Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Life | Spiritual Thought

There have been many moments in my life where I believed all was lost and I would never repair myself. I wanted life to end. I wanted to escape from the pain, reality, and difficulty of it all. Life didn't feel fair.

Life is never fair though.

It's not meant to be fair. No one can have a perfect life and no one can have the exact same life. It wouldn't make sense, it wouldn't be real. No one would progress and change, no one would feel.

I think the biggest reality of the unfairness of this world is death.

I remember when my aunt died of cancer. I remember how I didn't take it well. Even if she lived in California and I saw her maybe once a year, having to watch such an incredible, kind, brave woman battle cancer and die from it was so hard on me.

I didn't know how to cope.

I was asked to sing at the funeral and I remember struggling to get through it, my emotions and tears taking over my voice. My uncle still loved it, he told me so, but I remember being ashamed, feeling that I had ruined a beautiful moment.

I was lost at the time.

I grew up in the LDS church and we are taught that there is an afterlife. That we are sealed to our families for eternity. That we will see our family members again after we die.

We never truly lose someone.

But when my aunt died, my heart was lost and I didn't believe it. I didn't believe that I would see her again. And it felt so unfair that this amazing woman was just gone.

There was a moment in my life that changed me.

I had been broken for a long time. I had been viciously cutting and burning myself. And one night in college I ran away and I found myself on the steps of an LDS church building in the middle of the night.

And I prayed.

And I didn't feel anything after. There was no light from heaven, there was no prompting, there was no comfort. My pain didn't disappear it didn't diminish. In that moment, nothing changed.

I didn't know it at the time, but my entire life would shift from that moment on.

It was slow and gradual, but my heart began finding the light again. And I believe with every part of me, that it was not a coincidence that only a week later I would meet the man who would later become my husband, and who I believe is my soulmate.

God is good.

He teaches us when and how we need to be taught. He has a path and a plan for our lives. It's never easy or fair or what we want. He knows what's best.

I know I am sealed to my family for eternity.

My family means the world to me. My parents, siblings, cousins, grandparents, aunts, uncles, in-laws, husband, and my beautiful baby girls. I know we are all part of a bigger plan. I will see my aunt again. I will see my grandpa again. And I will see my angel baby again.

The world lost a great man.

President Thomas S. Monson passed away. He was a prophet of God. He inspired me. He spoke, and I couldn't help but listen. He would tell me to do something and I wanted to go and do it. I think, more than any apostle in the LDS church, he was the one that helped me find myself when I was lost.

He is not gone, though.

He is now reunited with his sweet wife. And his words have resonated in the hearts of many people and will live on for eternity. And while he may not dwell on earth anymore, he will always live in our hearts and in our memory.

Death is not the end.

And our lives have so much more meaning than we could ever imagine.

And I love knowing.

Photo Credits: Fox 13

1 comment:

  1. This is amazing. Thank you for your thoughts!


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