Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Looking To The Future | Real Talk

My family has this awesome game thing called "Table Topics" that I now have in my own home as well. It's a bunch of cards with questions that ignite discussion. It's a great way to get to know people or even learn about the people you've lived with for years. And sometimes, it's a way to get to know more about yourself.

On Independence Day after games and food, my brother pulled out the "Table Topics" and began asking the whole family some questions. During the game, the following question came up:

"Do you live more in the past, present, or future?" 

Everyone gave their answers and I had to think only briefly on my own. The future. I am constantly just waiting for future things to happen. I make big goals and plans for myself and dream about them coming true, so much that I forget to focus on what's going on now. 

I don't think that living in the future is always a bad thing. There's nothing wrong with me wanting to have my twins with me now instead of waiting another two months. (Yes, only two-ish months until my girls will be born, that's insane.) And it's incredibly realistic for me to make plans to lose weight after my twins come because I physically can't do it now. However, it's more the aspect of my career choices where living in the future puts me at a disadvantage. 

You, my blog readers, should know more than anyone that I'm constantly making goals for the future of this blog. I plan and dream about what it could become, but whenever it comes to actually hitting publish on a blog post, it's not good enough for me. I want it to be the blog that I see in my dreams, the future blog that's in my head. 

The same is true with my ultimate goal of being a writer. I keep pushing off sharing anything because I'm terrified. I want my book to be that magical book that everyone wants to read, and even though I have been working on the same book since I was 18 years old, I keep editing, revising, changing, and telling myself it's not good enough because it's not the book I see in the future that brings me fame and fortune. (Ha ha)

In my actual career choices, I keep settling for jobs that I don't love, telling myself that eventually, in the future, I'll be able to have a job that I love. I get jobs for the money or for the convince instead of actually pursuing something that I want. 

Let's be clear, there is nothing wrong with dreaming about the future and wanting more for our lives. But I believe that I have an issue on my hands. 

Where my blog and my writing is concerned, I will never reach my future goals unless I start acting now. I can dream all I want about "Heroes & Villains" becoming a big hit, but unless I sit down in the present and write, it's never going to be what I see in my mind. 

I let my current job, money, and laziness get in the way of doing something to progress into who I want to be. Yes, there are many instances where if I had more money, I could do the things I want with my blog, but there are ways around my money problems. And if I ever want my blog to start making money for me, I have to actually post things! 

I'm so used to saying "SOMEDAY..." but why don't I ever do something today? I need to focus on today. I need to just sit down and write. I need to apply for the jobs that I want. I need to get out and do things instead of putting them off for the future. 

I can't promise that I'm suddenly going to do this and have blog posts all the time, but I know I'm going to try harder. I'm ready to start letting my blog be what it is now instead of thinking only of what it could be. I deserve it, you deserve it, and this blog deserves it. 

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